| "Isn't it neat?" |
[Feb. 7th, 2008|11:37 pm] |
No, not really. Neat is definitely not the word I'd use. I'd list some of the words I'd use, but I don't want to spoil the surprise. You'll have to read on. But be warned that if you do, I'll spoil any surprises the show might have in store for you. Not that it has many. Or that I'll be recommending that you go see for yourself. But you've been warned.
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) wonderboynj joined me for The Little Mermaid this evening. (We were supposed to go three weeks ago, as you may recall, but the press office canceled the night before because Tituss Burgess, who plays Sebastian, was going to be out.) It's every bit as dreadful as you've heard. Perhaps more.
I didn't see the movie when it first came out. I saw Beauty and the Beast when it was new, and someone said "*gasp* You've never seen The Little Mermaid?? Here, take my videotape." I haven't seen it in quite a while, but I recall it fondly. If you do too, I recommend staying home and watching it. It has magic. The stage version is shockingly lacking in magic.
After an overture so heavily miked it sounds canned (don't go looking for natural sound anywhere here) and accompanied by seasick-inducing light-up shells and whatnot on the front drop, the curtain goes up on Eric's ship. A few shirtless sailors cavort in the rigging while it's established that Eric doesn't want to get married but his father's dying wish was that he find a bride and assume the throne. They back up the Captain in a song alleged to be "Fathoms Below" (the Captain has a vibrato you could drive a truck through, so it's hard to understand him). Five minutes in, it has a rare display of stage magic that makes you think "Well, maybe this isn't going to be so bad." At the first transition from Eric's ship to under the sea, the entire ship and the plastic waves fly straight up for a neato change from above the water to below it. Once it happens, you say "Well, of course that's how they did it," but in the moment it's a bit of "Ooooo!" Savor that...there's no more Ooooo! ahead.
The whole set is, as you've probably heard, plastic. And ugly. It's not ugly because it's plastic, it's just ugly because it's ugly. The undersea world is, of course, a strange and different place. But it's ugly. Giant column things, Triton wheeled in on a plastic rock. Scuttle the seagull gets a big plastic rock thing that shouldn't be used for dancing, since it bounces. But his seagull backup singers dance on it anyway. And it bounces. A rock. On the seashore. A BIG rock. And he--channeling Gilbert Godfried, who was in Aladdin, not The Little Mermaid--gets a new song, "Human Stuff." Forgettable stuff.
Either Sierra Boggess learned "Part of Your World" from the movie soundtrack or she was instructed to do it exactly that way, because that's what she does. She does it well enough, but who goes to the theatre to hear a movie soundtrack? (And half the audience has been doing it the same way at home for years anyway.)
Apparently the movie's problem was that nobody had enough backstory, and the stage version goes to great lengths to remedy this. So Ursula the sea witch isn't just Ursula the sea witch, she's Triton's sister, bequeathed half of Poseidon's magic and banished by Triton for being a meanie. And she gets a new song, since being a meanie just isn't enough motivation for taking Ariel's voice in exchange for legs. No, she wants to use Ariel to get revenge on Triton.
Back at the undersea palace, Ariel's sisters are feeling slighted by the score, which only gives them a number introducing Ariel (who's off swimming and enticing sailors), so they sing about how Ariel seems different (since she saved Eric from drowning) and deduce that "She's in Love." Flounder joins in and comes to the same conclusion. (Brian D'Addario, the Wednesday evening Flounder, has quite a set of pipes...and a rather vocal fan club. Kinda sad about his awful Flounder costume, though.) Triton overhears and asks who the lucky merman is, then flies into a rage when Flounder and Sebastian let slip that it's a human.
Back on shore, Eric is obsessing over Ariel's voice. With some musical adaptations, it seems like the material doesn't want to sing, and you say "why is this a musical?" In others, it shouldn't sing. Eric is captivated by Ariel's singing. He doesn't sing himself. But here he is, rescued and singing. (Of course, we couldn't have a musical with Prince Hottie as a non-singing role...but it still seems to me that's how it should have been.)
Triton forbids Ariel any further contact with the human world and Sebastian tries to keep her from running off with "Under the Sea." In the heat of the too-big production number, she leaves before he notices. Ursula's gay electric eels get a new song and then convince Ariel that Auntie Ursula can help. "Poor Unfortunate Souls," sign the scroll, give up the voice, hide so you can get your wire on and swim, swim to the flies. Intermission.
Scuttle finds leggy Ariel on the shore and sings her a new song about having a good attitude. It's a dumb song and goes on too long, but it does have the only decent dancing in the show. And you can't put a chorus of seagulls in good boots and give them a short tap number. So it's a long tap number, capped by Eric discovering Ariel and carrying her off to his palace. That's what a good attitude will get you.
At Eric's palace--some of the ugliest plastic yet--Ariel gets a hot bath and we get another "what huh?" moment. She just gave up her voice at the end of Act I. That's sort of a key plot point, no? But we can't have the leading lady mute for nearly the whole second act, can we? So hit her with a bright "this is what I'm thinking" light and let her sing! Again the show sings when it shouldn't.
"Les Poissons" is largely intact, but a bit of a missed opportunity. The chef is all about whacking the fish and ripping them apart, but since his plastic fish have to be ready for the next show, he does a lot of whacking of his cutting board and not the fish. He presents his array of fish dishes in the dining room, and sets off the whole cast running around while he chases Sebastian. Eric and Ariel find themselves in a quiet spot for a new song that seems like it wants to be "All I Need Is the Girl" from Gypsy (or should be). He teaches Ariel to dance, singing (there he goes again) about how dance can communicate. But it's not "All I Need Is the Girl," since Eric's not the dancer Tulsa is.
The next day they're out in the boat for "Kiss the Girl," which would be a moment where the set managed not to be totally ugly...except that it's the same set pieces as "Under the Sea," and they were ugly there. This is your second moment of stage magic anyway, 90 minutes after the first one. Bonus points for the frog hand puppets, but it's way too late for bonus points to be of much help.
Before bed, Ariel the mute sings again, leading into the nicest of the new music. Eric and his ship fly in, making it a duet. Sebastian comes to offer comfort, making it a trio. Triton adds some fatherly regret, making it a quartet. It's pretty, and then they undermine it by going on a little too long.
Now we race to the finish. Various princesses try on the slipper but it doesn't fit. Ariel dances a little and Eric realises who she is. But too late, Ursula snatches her away as the sun sets. Triton comes to rescue her and Ursula has her true prize. She talks Triton into trading his soul for Ariel's, the proscenium sprouts tentacles out into the auditorium as she becomes all-powerful, Ariel gets hold of the magic shell, takes her voice back, smashes it to save Triton and ruin Ursula. Triton gives her her legs back and swims her ashore, where they meet Eric, who asks permission to marry Ariel. Yay, let's go back to the plastic palace for a wedding with dancing sailors and mermaids.
So, to recap: they took the first of the new classic Disney cartoon movies, loaded down the plot with additions, added a lot of mostly unnecessary and forgettable if not unattractive new music, and gave it an ugly but very expensive production.
The "swimming" effects, aside from Eric's near-drowning and Ariel's two newly leggy ascents, are done on Heelies, those sneakers with wheels in the heels which will surely go down in the history of humanity as one of the worst inventions ever. Everyone who's not supposed to have legs (merfolk, fish, eels) glides around, with mixed success at pretending it's because they're swimming. The ones who can't manage to glide without getting a running start are the least successful, and they all obviously have legs since there's been no effort to hide them.
The cast (aside from the Captain's vibrato) are very good, and making the best they can out of a show that missed its appointment with a show doctor. And if the audiences are as easy to please (and eager to be pleased) as tonight's, they'll probably keep it afloat until Labor Day at least. But before they bring another show to Broadway, Disney needs to look at what's made their movies so successful, and what gave them their first taste of stage success--storytelling, music and production with life and magic. This production not only doesn't bring any magic of its own, it tramples all over the magic its source material offered. I'm reminded of another seafaring (though firmly above the water line) musical, last season's The Pirate Queen which, though similarly terrible material, was mostly a gorgeous production. Being pretty couldn't save it, but at least it wasn't a bad show done badly.
You shouldn't go. |
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